Basking in the huge success of his new campaign ad, Iron Man, India's least favourite PM-in-waiting, was in an upbeat mood when we approached him for an exclusive interview with Nanopolitan Times. Some excerpts:
Nanopolitan Times: Congratulations on the success of your book. How does it feel?
Iron Man: Oh, it feels fantastic. You see, I didn't want to write just another book, I wanted to create history.
NT: Yes, that's quite evident. Given your own penchant for creative retellings of events from your life, how come your
party goons partywallahs are protesting a harmless academic article on the many tellings of the Ramayana?
IM: No. No! We'll never allow it. Adventures and achievements of mere men are pliable. Ram is not a mere man, he's Iron Men's Iron Man! Also, he is the rath that took me to where I am today, and I'll need him to become the PM. So, we'll never allow it. Never.
NT: Now, your version of the events surrounding the 'terrorists-for-tourists' swap at Kandahar seem to be different from that of the others ...
IM: You know what? The first rule in Iron Men's playbook is this: There is only one version, and that's mine. All the others are perversions.
NT: Including those of the Development Man?
NT: How about the socialist minister's words?
IM: Yes, his words, too. How can you trust a man who remained silent about the strip-searches?
NT: But, how about the terrorist-accompanying minister?
IM: Oh, him! I don't worry about him. Besides, he can't really complain, can he, when I flatter him by imitating him?
NT: How about the Ambassador?
IM: What about him?
NT: He said he wasn't in India during the Kandahar events ...
IM: Oh, did he? If so, he must be right.
NT: How come you are willing to concede this man's version, while trashing the others'?
IM: Because he represents Superpower. Iron Men fear Superpower.
NT: Are you suggesting that you'll make amends, now? How?
IM: I will ask my publisher to issue a new, revised version of the book.
[Iron Man thinks a bit, and starts talking excitedly ... ]
I'll tell you what, I just found a more apt title for my book, so I'll ask my publisher to change the title, too.
NT: Really? What's the new, more apt title?
IM: "My life, my ass!"