...at The Pearly Gates. An evaluation ensues to decide whether he goes to Heaven or a warmer place. Sample this:
(What goes, when Abi upped the citation count of a recent citation-rant...)
GB: Hey, I'm not worried. I was a good scientist, a good citizen, a good family man, I think, too. I never...Did he manage to enter Heaven?
St Peter: Yes, yes, I'm sure, but you see, none of that matters. The only thing that matters is your IF.
GB: IF?
St Peter: Your impact factor. That's all we use now. If your IF is above 10, then you enter here. If it's lower, well...
GB: My impact factor? What the hell - oops, sorry - is that?
(What goes, when Abi upped the citation count of a recent citation-rant...)
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