Fun with Financial Crisis

1. You have heard of the Large Badloan Collider, haven't you? [Via Yackety Yak]

   Using a series of increasingly hysterical and absurd statements by White House officials, the dollars are gradually accelerated to very nearly the theoretical upper limit at which bullshit can fly -- the so-called “Speed of Lie” – at which point they will be slammed into the global financial system.

2. The crisis according to lolcats, found at The G-Spot :

   Lower Middle Class: OH HAI! I CAN HAS HOUS?

   Bank: I HAS A SUBPRIME MORTGAGE OFFR 4 U. LET ME SHOW U IT.

   Lower Middle Class: KOOL. LOL!

   Couple years later...

   Lower Middle Class: U MEANS I HAS TO PAY MORE EVERY MONTHS? FAIL

   Bank: OH NOES! WE WERE COUNTIN ON UR PAYIN US

   Lower Middle Class: NO, THEY BE TAKIN' MAH HOUS

   Bank: ALL UR HOUSES ARE BELONG TO US. BUT NO ONE BUYIN'! FAIL

3. The best, of course, is this letter (whose origin remains unknown):

   Dear American:

   I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

   I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

   I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

   This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

   Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

   Yours Faithfully
   Minister of Treasury Paulson